Shit Happens

in various world religions

Original

TAOISM

Shit happens.

CONFUCIANISM

Confucius say, "Shit happens".

ZEN

(What is the sound of shit happening?)

JESUITISM

If shit happens and when nobody is watching, is it really shit?

ISLAM

Shit happens if it is the will of Allah.

COMMUNISM

Equal shit happens to all people.

CATHOLICISM

Shit happens because you are bad.

PSYCHOANALYSIS

Shit happens because of your toilet training.

SCIENTOLOGY

Shit happens if you're on our shit list.

ZOROASTRIANISM

Bad shit happens, and good shit happens.

UNITARIANISM

Maybe shit happens. Let's have coffee and donuts.

RIGHT-WING PROTESTANTISM

Let this shit happen to someone else.

JUDAISM

Why does shit always happen to US?

REFORM JUDAISM

Got any Kaopectate?

MYSTICISM

What weird shit!

AGNOSTICISM

What is this shit?

ATHEISM

I don't believe this shit!

NIHILISM

Who needs this shit?

AZTEC

Cut out this shit!

QUAKER

Let's not fight over this shit.

FORTEANISM

No shit??

12-STEP

I am powerless to cut the shit.

VOODOO

Hey, that shit looks just like you!

NEWAGE

Visualize shit not happening.

DEISM

Shit just happens.

EXISTENTIALISM

Shit doesn't happen; shit is.

SECULAR HUMANISM

Shit evolves.

CHRISTIAN SCIENCE

Shit is in your mind.

BUDDHISM

Shit happens, but pay no mind.

SHINTOISM

Shit is everywhere.

HINDUISM

This shit has happened before.

WICCA

Mix this shit together and make it happen!

HASIDISM

Shit never happens the same way twice.

THEOSOPHY

You don't know half of the shit that happens.

DIANETICS

Your mother gave you shit before your were born.

SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST

No shit on Saturdays.

JEHOVAH's WITNESSES

No shit happens until Armageddon.

MOONIES

Only happy shit really happens.

HOPI

Corn fertilizer happens.

BAHA'I

It's all the same shit.

STOICISM

This shit is good for me.

OBJECTIVISM

Our shit is good for you.

EST

If my shit bothers you, that's your fault.

REAGANISM

Don't move; the shit will trickle down.

FASCISM

Shit makes the trains run on time.

CARGO CULT

A barge will come and take all the shit away.

EMACS

Hold down Control-Meta-Shit.

DISCORDIANISM

Some funny shit happened to me today.

RASTAFARIANISM

Let's smoke this shit.

Siehe auch: Fun